


The Heist Train Has No Breaks

by Trickstress



Series: We Built This City [9]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: FAHC, Fake AH Crew, Gen, IT'S HEISTING TIME, Immortal Fake AH Crew, The crew does a good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickstress/pseuds/Trickstress
Summary: "You shut your nerd ass mouth Dooley-"Jeremy is in charge of running the next heist and he chooses to liberate some adorable animals from a shitty pet store. Sounds simple, right? Well, it IS the FAHC we're talking about...





	The Heist Train Has No Breaks

“This is stupid. Incredibly stupid, even for us.” Gavin drawled as he was perched on a half wall. The crew had broken into the Los Santos mall in the middle of the night to prepare for an upcoming heist. They had to smuggle Ryan in to jerry-rig a bigger and better engine onto their getaway vehicle which they were going to steal as well.

“Well, your bitch ass can go wait in the car then while we finish up getting ready for the most genius mall heist ever.” Geoff replied, grinning at his younger friend. Michael and Jack snickered at Gavin who let out a dramatic huff of air, leaning back slightly. The Brit quickly lost his balance however and toppled over the back side of the wall, prompting the rest of the group to laugh uproariously, well except Ryan.

“Aren’t at least two of you supposed to keeping watch or something?” The older man asked, peeking out from underneath the engine of the vehicle, screwdriver carefully being held in his mouth.

Jeremy shrugged in response.

“Well, all of the security guards fucked off somewhere so we might as well have fun.”

Ryan stared at the bald man for a second before pulling himself back under and starting to work again.

“So who’s doing what again for this thing?” Jack asked, getting comfy on a ratty plush couch that was pushed up against the half wall of the garage.

“Okay,” Geoff looked around at the group,”So we’re gonna have one main objective: the pet shop. Since this was Jeremy’s idea, he got to pick the hit. Jack will be our getaway driver but we’re gonna be driving in style. Ryan’s hooking up the rig right now with a car engine so it’ll be running at speeds up to 50 miles per hour, but she’s gonna sneak in here tomorrow to grab it so while we’re heisting, she’s gonna be driving up to meet us. Ryan will be there as well for support with the people trying to stop them.

“Meanwhile, Jeremy, Gavin, Michael, and I will be doing the actual heisting, grabbing as many animals as possible and then we’ll bring them out to the soundproof and safe rooms we retrofitted into our lovely escape vehicle tonight and it’ll be smooth sailing. Any questions?”

Geoff looked around at the group who seemed to look content with the plan. He then turned to Jeremy.

“Anything else we should know about this? You’re the animal guy after all.”

Jeremy shrugged and looked at the others.

“I know heists are high stakes and moving quickly and everything but from what i saw, a lot of these dogs and cats look pretty timid so try not to startle them too much. The whole point is to save them, not give them a heart attack. Same with the getaway. Each of us will be in a different compartment to make sure they’re doing okay. The only open air areas are the very front and the very back.”

“I’m also gonna be adding a little flair to it myself.” Ryan added, still working on the engine, “It’s gonna be a few hours still if you guys want to head out and I’ll meet you back at the penthouse. I know Trevor was dragging Alfredo into making a pre-heist feast or something like that.”

“I’ll keep you company.” Geoff said with a shrug. “We’ll be back later, save some food for us or you’re not keeping an animal. Since we’re not keeping all of them, do you hear me Jeremy?”

“Awwwww!”

The rest of the crew good-naturedly left the garage, Michael comforting Jeremy who was pouting with the fact that he got to decide the heist this time. Geoff shook his head and sat down on the floor next to Ryan.

“So, did you bring some spray paint?”

“What am I, Geoff? An amateur?”

 

The next morning brought anticipation and excitement to the crew as they laid in wait in their positions. Geoff, Gavin, Jeremy, and Michael were all browsing the pet store while they waited for Jack and Ryan to get into position. Each had a rubber animal mask hidden in their coat. Gavin’s was a chicken mask, Michael had a bear, Geoff picked a lion (“they’re king of the jungle and I’m the leader here!” “Geoff, lions don’t live in the jungle…” “You shut your nerd ass mouth Dooley-“), and Jeremy’s was a cat.

Geoff glanced lazily around the store, pausing when he saw through the small window on the door leading to the back room. A short balding man was red in the face, screaming at a woman dressed in a dumb uniform. She didn’t seem to be intimidated.

“Lil’ J, can you send me the details on the owner of the place? I want to have my people keep an eye on him in case he wants to open up another store.” Geoff asked and Jeremy gave him a thumbs up.

“We heisting?” Michael asked quietly, pressing a hand to his communicator. The things were small and could barely be noticed with a first glance since they were colored to blend into the ear.

“That’s a big 10-4 good buddy!”

“Ryan? Have you been watching Smokey and the Bandit again?” Geoff asked with a chuckle.

“That’s a negative big boss, The Red Baron and I here are inbound and will be ready to fly in three minutes.”

“You gave me a great call sign, but god you’re a dork.” Jack laughed and their comms went silent.

“Welp, that’s a good a time as ever. Jeremy and Gav, you get the cats. Michael and I will get the dogs. Ready?” Geoff pulled out his masks and the other three nodded.

It was time for a heist.

As they waited for the “sign” that Ryan and Jack had arrived, they heard faint music in the distance, that was getting louder every minute.

“Is that….Crazy Train?” Jeremy asked, his face scrunched up in confusion.

“Those beautiful bastards!” Michael laughed as they looked through the window to see the train with yellow and red flames spray painted on the side, Ryan halfway out the window of the engine car wearing a cow mask and flailing his arms to the music and tightening the straps on a jerry-rigged speaker system tied to the top of the car. Jack was head banging while she was driving in an eagle mask.

“Well now I know why Ryan ordered the sound proof glass.” Geoff sighed as he shook his head. “Alright boys, lets go!” 

They quickly pulled on their masks and got to work, using the empty store and the fact that the employees and manager were in the back. The four each would grab armfuls of animals and run them out to the train, putting them in the crates that they had installed in each car to keep them safe. Ryan had turned the music down so they wouldn’t spook the dogs and cats as they transferred them.

The heist was halfway over when the owner and the red head stepped back outside to see the Fake AH crew all with at least 4 animals in their arms, frozen as they stared at the two of them.

“What in the HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY STORE?!?!”

“Uhhhhhh….. liberating?” Jeremy offered and the man turned a shade of maroon before charging Jeremy. The short man squeaked as he darted away from the man and the chase begun. He dodged through the displays and tried to keep the animals in his hands from escaping from their escape.

“Jeremy!” Gavin called and Jeremy glanced over to see the man had dropped off his load of animals and was free handed.

“Hey asshole!” Geoff shouted and chucked a tennis ball at the owner’s face and nailed him in the nose. The pudgy man let out a roar as he went after Geoff while Jeremy delivered the kittens he had carefully kept safe in his arms. 

This tactic went on for three minutes, each person distracting the enraged man while the others snuck around him and grabbed all the animals. It ended spectacularly when Jeremy snuck up from behind and decked him in the face with a large dog bone and the owner crumpled to the floor unconscious, now sporting a bloody nose.

“The heist train is leaving the station, all aboard!” Ryan yelled from outside and Gavin groaned.

“ How in the bloody hell are you the oldest?”

“Geoff may be the crew dad, but I’m the social dad to you fucks.” Ryan replied as they all jumped on the train into the different cars. Each had a radio system in their car in case anything went wrong.

Everything was going smoothly as they drove through the backstreets of Los Santos to head back to the penthouse. Michael was relaxing in his seat near the back of the train when he looked towards the caboose. It was the one car of the train that wouldn’t have anyone in it. 

Well, it was supposed to anyway.

“Uhhhhhhh guys?” Michael stared at the caboose as he radioed in.

“Yeah Michael?” Geoff replied.

“We weren’t planning on kidnapping anyone today, were we?”

There was a pause.

“.....uhhhhhh no?” Came the hesitant reply.

“Well, that red haired chick from the pet store is in the back of the train just smiling and waving at me.”

“What?!” The radio went wild with the various exclamations from the rest of the crew.

“Yeah, she’s just sitting in there grinning at me while she’s covered in cats.”

“How the fuck did she get in here?” Ryan asked and Michael shrugged before remembering they were on the radio.

“How the fuck do I know?! I’m wondering how the fuck did I not notice her in the first place!”

“Jack, pull the train over. We’re gonna investigate this.”

The train pulled off into an alleyway and everyone piled out and surrounded the back of the train.

Geoff opened the door to the caboose and the woman just sat there peacefully, smiling up at Geoff.

“Hello there! I like your train!”

Geoff let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Thanks. Can I just ask what the hell you’re doing here and how you got on without anyone noticing?”

The woman nodded.

“Yeah, when you guys were playing ring-around-the-rosie with Mr Biggs, I snuck into the back of the store and rounded up the dogs and cats in the kennels in the back and put them on the train. The douchebag was getting ready to sell some of the dogs to a fighting ring. 

“I hate the douchebag and have been wanting to quit for a long time but since I was the last person left, I didn’t want the animals to suffer if I left. Buuuut you guys managed to save me the trouble of quitting.” She explained. Geoff let out another sigh, this one more resigned.

“Well, I wanted info on the dude anyway. And his name is Mr Biggs?”

She nodded in response. Geoff let out a chuckle.

“God, he doesn’t live up to that name.”

“You could say he doesn’t measure up!” Jeremy interjected and Ryan groaned.

“Like you’re one to talk!” Michael grinned and elbowed the shorter man who pouted. Gavin and Jack just stood there laughing while the woman smiled in interest. Geoff turned back to her.

“So what’s your name?”

“It’s Lindsay.” Lindsay said with a smile.

“Well Lindsay, it looks like you’re probably a bit unemployed now. How interested would you be in working for the Fake AH Crew?”

“I would give a resounding fuck yes.”

Geoff gave her a Cheshire grin.

“Well then, welcome to the weirdest group of assholes you’ll ever have the pleasure of knowing.”


End file.
